Remind myself after watching the six hours of 'War & Remembrance' that ABC plans to show us that that's only one-fifth of the entire production. Put on another crazy Hawaiian shirt for anyone - even Tom Selleck. Offer to give CBS's NBA coverage team directions to Utah for their first-ever regular season telecast from the Salt Palace on Christmas Day. Ask any more of my colleagues for evaluations of incoming KUTV News anchor Bob Evans (you're welcome, Barberi). Bring up the subject of network prime time coverage of the upcoming Republican National Convention (maybe if we don't mention it they'll forget all about it.) Tell Ted Turner that if he loves the Soviet Union so much maybe he should just move there. Pay any attention to the Miss California Venus USA pageant, which is taking place in the next ballroom over. Pretend to understand Brandon Tartikoff's explanation for taking 'A Year in the Life' and 'Aaron's Way' off the air.

Trust any male producer or PR-type who wears more jewelry than my wife. Believe anyone from ABC when they try to convince me that they're still going to have more new episodes of 'Moonlighting' this year than they did last year. Try to find a good reason for the new syndicated series, 'A Nightmare on Elm Street: Freddy's Nightmares.' Frown at anyone on the freeways (I know they haven't been shooting lately, but you never know). Pick up any more used cigar butts, even if they do belong to George Burns. Expect rock music stars to respond to questions like normal people. And I'm officially serving notice right now that on this summer press tour I absolutely, positively WILL NOT under any circumstances: but there are some things you can't make me do. (And it's a good thing she straightened me out, too, because I was about to hit her up for more creative control and a bigger cut on foreign syndication.) So OK. My editor told me before I left that I'm a writer, not a writer. But I'll have to save all my writing for mid-August, when I get back in Utah. I'm a writer, right? (hey, none of that smart-alecky stuff, you guys.) And here in L.A., the writers are all on strike, right? So I figure that as long as I'm here, I'll go to the press conferences and screening sessions and try to catch an extra interview or two. The way I see it, the summer network press tour that gets under way this week at the Universal Registry Hotel in Universal City is going to be a piece of cake.

Double nightmare theme music kutv